Holiday Weekend to now......

I had a pretty good weekend. I started it with some good friends over for martinis on friday. Saturday and Sunday were good, lazy days.

Monday was my Mom's birthday. She asked for a birthday cake, something she never does. My sister whipped up a good one and we sat around eating and visiting. My Mom hates most of the gifts I buy here so I settled on lottery scratch offs-they went over well since she won some money.

She seemed in a good mood. She still has not reconsidered any more treatment and was treating Monday as her last birthday. So singing happy birthday was really sad and got even worse when my 10 year old nephew added the "and many more" that landed flat.

Poor kid, I don't think he knew-but that was when the big white elephant in the corner came out to play.

Monday night we had severe storms that knocked out our power for a bit and today while I was at the post office mailing some stuff for work, the tornado sirens went off and I was stuck there for about 30 minutes.

My general mood has been ok lately but it feels I am under water. I have got upset over some little things because it feels like if just one thing goes wrong everything will spin out of control.

I have that sick to my stomach feeling I got when I was little and something scared me because I didn't understand. The first time I remember having that feeling was one year when I was about 4-my Mom had to go to Dallas to a funeral and it was the first time I was apart from her.

Everyone else was acting normal and I felt sad/abandoned/lonely/scared and didn't understand. So I ran into her room and comforted myself by smelling her perfume, purses, hairspray etc-bawling the whole time. Then my Dad realized what was up and explained that she would be back the next day......