Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Holiday Weekend to now......

I had a pretty good weekend. I started it with some good friends over for martinis on friday. Saturday and Sunday were good, lazy days.

Monday was my Mom's birthday. She asked for a birthday cake, something she never does. My sister whipped up a good one and we sat around eating and visiting. My Mom hates most of the gifts I buy here so I settled on lottery scratch offs-they went over well since she won some money.

She seemed in a good mood. She still has not reconsidered any more treatment and was treating Monday as her last birthday. So singing happy birthday was really sad and got even worse when my 10 year old nephew added the "and many more" that landed flat.

Poor kid, I don't think he knew-but that was when the big white elephant in the corner came out to play.

Monday night we had severe storms that knocked out our power for a bit and today while I was at the post office mailing some stuff for work, the tornado sirens went off and I was stuck there for about 30 minutes.

My general mood has been ok lately but it feels I am under water. I have got upset over some little things because it feels like if just one thing goes wrong everything will spin out of control.

I have that sick to my stomach feeling I got when I was little and something scared me because I didn't understand. The first time I remember having that feeling was one year when I was about 4-my Mom had to go to Dallas to a funeral and it was the first time I was apart from her.

Everyone else was acting normal and I felt sad/abandoned/lonely/scared and didn't understand. So I ran into her room and comforted myself by smelling her perfume, purses, hairspray etc-bawling the whole time. Then my Dad realized what was up and explained that she would be back the next day......

5 comments:

Ginger said...

{{{{{Jeff}}}}}

Just a hug to let you know I love you.

Anonymous said...

I've been there to some degree--and I found a bottle of Mama's perfume while we were (and still are)cleaning out the house. It's somehow comforting.
Sim

herwest said...

To those that are under water:

Lookup--and there's gonna be a hand ready to reach down and yank you up.

True story, maybe I already told you this--but what the hey.

When I was little I had horrible ear infections and could never go swimming unless I have vasoline and cotton in my ears. One day at my uncle's lake house, I was so excited to finally get my ear contraptions on, and I was 4 or 5--I ran straight down the little hill, and onto the dock, and jumped right off the edge of the dock.

Now this is lake Granbury, and this was the edge of the dock. So I was in about six feet of water.

I remember very distinctly sinking to the bottom, and very calmly looking at everything around me. Like--wow... look at the crusty yucky pier beams... what's that an old fish basket--and then I saw legs.

And I was happy and even serene standing at the bottom, water at least 3 feet above my head--because I knew it--and it happened pretty quickly--a hand reached down and pulled me up. And I was more than okay--I was just alright. :O)

I know no one can change this course of events in your life right now--no friend, or husband, or whatever can change it--even though we want too, so bad--because no one should go thru this, and no one wants to see you in pain.

That's just not pretty.

Also not right.

But what I can do as a friend, and what many others will do--is let you know, Jeff--you're never going to go under for long--cause we're right here with hands/arms ready to pull you back up.

And if you lose control for a while--that's okay.

Some of us have shrapnel proof jackets and can take an spolsion or two.

Just a lot of typing to say--

Hey good buddy.

I gotcha back. :P

Roy Naka said...
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