Sunday, April 03, 2005

All at once

It seems this weekend everything happened at once and overwhelmed me.

I finally got to talk to my Dad about my Mom. She decided against having the surgery after the doctor gave her all the details. I won't go in to the graphic details but he said she would never look or sound the same. It would be 2 years before she would be able to eat, swallow or live live without pain. It would be 2 years before she could even start to try to talk again.

The doctor said that without surgery she would start feeling pain in about 2 months and it wouldn't be long after that everything would start swelling and start getting unbearable.

For some reason my Dad decided this was the right time to tell me something I never knew about my Mom's Mother. I knew she had had cancer and had died from it the day after Christmas when I was so young that I only remember seeing her once. I didn't know that she had a surgery and for the next few years lived in excruciating pain and finally either accidentally or purposely overdosed on the pain medication.

I know that is going through my Mom's mind right now and my Dad thinks that is what she will end up doing. He has talked to her until he was blue in the face but cannot convince her to do the surgery. He finally told me he has resigned to the fact that she won't have it and has decided to abide by her wishes and just be there for her.

After thinking about it over the weekend I decided that is all I can do-respect her wishes and be there for her whatever happens. Saturday we got into an argument about it which left me feeling horrible for arguing with her-she started crying and we sorta made up. She thanked me for watching Corky and we said our see you laters.

I wanted to thank everyone who emailed or left good wishes by a comment. It means a lot to me.

For whatever reason Rick decided to be a terror this weekend which didn't help my frame of mind in the least. I usually try to be amicable and ignore his BS but this weekend it flew all over me and I was quick to respond in kind.

I overslept today and wasn't able to finish my computer work I do at home. It was my fault for going out last night and swilling martinis or as I call them "a snack of olives floating in vodka". I just felt like I needed to cut loose last night and forget things at least for a couple of hours.

I'm not in the mood for work this week, not because I'm not enjoying working there but because I just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head for awhile. I guess when my alarm goes off too early as usual, I will just get up and do it and pretend like I'm a responsible adult!

I hope everyone has a great Monday.


Anonymous said...

Damn! I'm sorry that all this came down on you now. I'm sending you good thoughts and positive vibes. Russ

Anonymous said...

I hate cancer SO much. I'm praying your mom has very little pain. Mosie1944

Anonymous said...

I beseech the Universe on behalf of your mom--send energy, pray, whatever works best. Our thoughts are with you.


derek said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you man. And your mother and father.


Derek said...

Have you ever lived in Florida?

You look so familiar, guess it was that picture of you at the zoo, I think I was in the same zoo.

irina said...

Pain isn't quite pain until it happens to you... It hurts a lot to see the ones you love in pain and the most unbearable is to be able to do absolutely nothing to relief it...
Still, being there for them is what helps them and YOU through it.