Birthday wishes and a shaved head....

Today was another cold one-the roads were so bad early this morning it took Rick an hour instead of the normal 20 minutes to get home. He saw several wrecks and even the news was reporting a huge number of wrecks all over town.

We did get out and do some more shopping, but later on in the evening it was starting to get bad again.

It was my Dad's birthday yesterday-he is still down but he is getting a little better. He has his quirky sense of humor still. When I asked him what he wanted for Christmas he said a short single lady with large boobs :O

This is how I can tell that he will be okay after some time, if he lost his sense of humor I would be worried. I thought I would go buy him an insane amount of lottery tickets-he loves his scratch off tickets.

A few days ago I entertained thoughts of just shaving my head instead of worrying about a haircut. Tonight I just picked up the electric razor and did it. After the first run through I was thinking "too late to back out now"!

It turned out pretty good I think. I haven't had it like this since I was in kindergarten. I don't know what it was that struck me to do it, but it was almost liberating in a way.

Hope everyone has a great Tuesday and that it's not as cold for you as it is here!

Slip N Slide

I got up early today (shock) and thought I'd go see my Dad for a bit. I made it about 6 blocks and knew I had made a mistake. It was 17F with a humidity level of about 97%. I had no idea it was going to be THAT bad.

The cars on the road were slipping all over the place, one poor lady was turned around backwards and couldn't get any traction. I looked over at the freeway overpass, the cars were sitting still. About 6 blocks back the other way a gas tanker truck had turned over in front of Rick's parent's house.

I thought yeah right, I'm not going to mess with this.

Later on it got a little better and we were able to go out and do some shopping for the holidays and go to a birthday party for Rick's 7 year old nephew.

The crowds wore me out and I will be out in it again tomorrow. I never seeem to get my shopping done early like I keep promising myself!

Hope everyone has a great week.

14 days left...

I ventured out to do some shopping for Christmas. Found a few ideas, but wasn't motivated to buy anything other than dog food and diet coke.

We drove through some car lots looking for Rick a car-everything is so high and there is slim pickings of used cars at the new car lots. I read in Time magazine that not many people are buying therefore less trade ins and what was there, they were way overpriced in my opinion. We'll probably hit the used car lots tomorrrow and see what they have in stock.

I haven't been in the mood for the holidays lately considering. Rick put up some neat lights and decorations on the outside and has been trying to get me in the mood to put up the tree. I keep thinking I need to but haven't got there yet.

I did have another win yesterday, a Febreeze noticable prize pack-a new plug in thing they are promoting. I'm up to $95 in prizes now.

Hope everyone had a great week.

Yappy puppies and 2 wins..

I think I ended up with about 3 hours of sleep today. I had to bring the puppies in since our temp got down to -2 F last night. They will sleep for about an hour, play for 2 hours and yap for the rest of the time. If they weren't so cute.....

I found homes for 2 of them and I had homes for the 2 left but they both fell through, hopefully someone will want them soon. Who wouldn't want these cuties: (the 2 on the right-temporarily named Yip and Yap) They are Pitbull/Dachsund mix-



After entering all my daily contests I won another King Kong poster from Coca Cola and a $10 old navy gift card on instant wins. These small wins are keeping me going! Now if I could win a luxury vacation or a car!

Here are the links if you feel lucky:
King Kong and Old Navy

The King Kong instant win requires a UPC code from a cup, but if you don't have one you can click somewhere and have one emailed to you. Good luck!

waiting...

I haven't felt like saying anything lately-mostly been being a bum and hiding under the covers. On November 26th my Mom passed away after about 10 months of fighting cancer. We had the funeral that following Monday and it was sad to be in the same place that we were for my brother less than a month before.

My Dad and sister are having a tough time but at least they are grieving, I feel stuck in a time warp like it hasn't hit yet. Not sure what is going on with that. I keep waiting for them to ask me why I'm not crying.

My Dad's Birthday, Christmas and what would have been their 47th wedding anniversary are all within a week of each other so that will be an even tougher time on my Dad. Hopefully I can be there for him.

We are finally getting a settlement on the car insurance stuff this thursday so hopefully we can get another car-having just the one is not fun.

The blurry weekend

After Rick's son wrecks his car, we are going through all the insurance channels, get a nice rent car and are on are way to putting this all behind us.

That is until we get a call today around noon from the son. He had borrowed the rental car and had another wreck! I have a feeling he won't be driving anywhere anytime soon. Rick was beside himself. It is not his month for kids and cars. His daughter wrecked her car going to school a few weeks ago, then the two wrecks with this son and another son got another of Ricks cars towed for not having proper registration. He had given it to him recently and hadn't got it transferred over.

They are all old enough to take care of these things themselves. The only one taking it on themselves to fix anything is the daughter. She is the youngest and it was HER car. The sons seem not to care since they are driving cars that they aren't paying anything for but the gas. I tried nicely to tell this to Rick, but he won't listen.

It came up when one of the sons wanted to borrow MY car. I said no thank you and told him that if they can't even have enough responsibility to handle his cars then they aren't ready for mine. He came really close earlier telling me that he should have listened to me, but that isn't his style!

I went out all this weekend, had a good time with good friends but I'm going to have to stay away from the martinis!

I got some work done on the rentals, it took about 3 hours to clean out all of the trash that the deadbeat tennants left behind. Now after a good scrub and a coat of paint it should be ready.

I hope everyone is having a great wreck-free week!

The blahs

I have haven't wanted to do anything for the last week. I have to force myself to get up, do laundry, dishes, cook, anything.

Today was a little better-I took care of some things and actually felt a twinge of motivation.

Rick's son got hit today while driving Rick's car to work. He is ok thank goodness, but the car is not. An SUV hit it and what windows didn't shatter out were cracked. 3 doors won't open and the one that does open won't shut now. It must have hit pretty hard because the stereo and some plastic areas on the dash blew out. The backend of the car is about 6 inches lower now, it's all buckled down the sides.

Rick was to make the last payement on it December 1.

I finally got the freeloader renters out but it was a mess. I filled up 4 dumpsters of stuff they left behind and someone decided to be artistic and painted what looks like a drug induced mural in the bedroom. Rick and I were disgusted when we saw the mess they left, and they had an infant crawling around in all that-shudder.

Hopefully I can clean it out and get it rented soon before I start getting too far behind on bills.

Hopefully tomorrow I can get off my butt and do something productive. I promised my Dad I would help him take down his air conditioner since we are supposed to have a freeze this week-today was 85!

Hope everyone has a great week :)

Dr. Pepper strikes again

It has been a long day today.

The funeral was really nice. They played "Taps" and had a flag folding ceremony and presented the flag to my Mom. More people showed up than I had expected. A few relatives drove a long way to get here.

There were a lot of my brothers friends that I hadn't met before at the funeral and most of them kept looking at me and then would come over and know who I was since we looked so much alike.

I got to meet two of his kids that I hadn't met before. If I had seen them on the street I would have recognized them.

A lot of the family went back to my parents house and we sat around visiting, eating, and reminiscing. Just about everyone in the family has always inadvertantly called me by my brothers name. We look so much alike and they would be looking right at me and go to call my name and say Lynn. Today it kept happening-even my Dad did it a few times.

Someone brought a past weakness of mine to the house-Dr. Pepper. I had to quit drinking them years ago, when everytime I drank one, I developed excruciating kidney pains. I decided I could sneak one. I am paying for it now. For about 8 hours now I have had a pain in my back like someone punched me in the kidneys.

I got a gallon of cranberry juice so hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Bad news at 3AM

I got a call from my Sister on Saturday morning-I could tell something was wrong when I answered. My first thought was my Mom, she has been doing well lately but my thoughts went there.

My Brother had died at 3AM the night before. I was shocked. I went over to my parents house and they were in shock-they still are. He was only 45. Heart attack they said.

My Sister got the call from my Dad and he just said your brother died, and she was freaking out not knowing which one of us he meant. My sister felt bad because earlier in the evening around 11PM he called her and she didn't answer and meant to call him back and forgot.

The funeral is Wednesday. My Dad is beside himself. My Mom is on stronger pills thanks to her doctor, he is worried about her going through all this now while she is going downhill herself.

I have a lot of great memories of my Brother-he always worried about me and told me he loved me no matter what. He was 9 years older than me and when I turned 16-17 I got drunk with him for the first time, got stoned with him for the first time, he helped to teach me to drive, worked on my cars for me so I could save money, and let me be me.

We sort of fell out for about 8-9 years when he moved to Maine, and he had just moved back a few months ago and I saw him a few times and spoke with him. So that was nice to have that. I just wished we could have had more time to get to know each other again.

I'm more sad right now more for my Parents-them having to bury their first born.

Everything else has sort of been put on the back burner.

Mr. Clean

The scratch off lotto fest netted $29-not too shabby!

I went to clean the vacant rental today, it cleaned up pretty good-still have to clean the bathroom, but I had forgot my rubber gloves :O I learned my lesson the hard way on that.

A lady looked at it today while it was still grungy and liked it. She is going to (hopefully) put her deposit down tomorrow (crossing fingers). I was hoping not to have to spend the extra money to have to put it in the paper. Plus having to deal with all the wack jobs that call.

I'd say 2 out of 11 of the last calls for an ad I had were not escaping their last landlord or didn't have a felony for something or other. I'm serious! 6 had felonies for some type of bodily harm against someone (one was their current landlord) and 2 had a felony for robbery. The other person was a registered sex offender.

The squatters are still there, ugh-they are starting to piss me off. I don't want to mess with going to court but it looks like I'm going to have to. I have given them so many chances but I'm through now.

Some people are more trouble than they are worth. What I don't get is that the electric service was never transferred over into anyone's name since August and they haven't been shut off!

I went to the grocery store earlier to get some dinner. There is one checkout lady that is so much fun that I will stand in her line even when others are open. So Im standing there behind 2 other people after having let someone go ahead with only 1 item and the check out lady (girl) from the next lane over says "I'm open" with so little enthusiasm. I told her politely "no thanks".

She says "whatever" in that rude whatever tone. Usually I let things go like that. I know she probably had a bad day, etc. But so had I. So I told her that I her attitude was rude and I would rather put all the groceries in my cart back on the shelf than stand in your "whatever" line.

After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence (I suddenly realized I spoke aloud) there were a few chuckles around me and she stormed back to her register.

The lady that I always wait for said that she was glad I said that. She said she is always rude and treats people like that. I told this lady that is the reason why I stand in her line because she is always so friendly. She even jokes here and there and has caught prices being wrong, pulled out the circular for coupons, etc.

So after I got done checking out, I went to the customer service desk and asked for the manager. He came over and I told him about the level of service from her. I told him that I stand in her line when others are open and that I was glad she was here.

I decided to not tell him anything about the "whatever" gal-I'll give her the benefit of doubt-we have all had bad days, troubles, etc. I just sent positive energy both of their ways and went home and watched Lost.

Hope everyone had a great day :)

Vacancy

I had one renter move out too soon, and one that won't move out. She has decided that she wants to live for free! I will probably have to go to court to get her out, or spend the money to go to court and she will move out when she gets her subpoena.

I have been lucky with the rest of the renters, everyone paying on time-or at least contacting me if they are going to be late. I'm easy to work with if they let me know what is going on and don't take advantage of me.

Rick won a huge basket of lottery scratch off tickets at work-we are going to be scratching them later-keeping my fingers crossed! There have to be at least $400 worth in there!

Semi Rant

It just amazes me the amount of work it takes to keep a computer virus, adware, and spyware free. The question remains, why is it so easy for all of that crap to get there in the first place?

Even with my 8+ programs to keep all of this stuff out of my computer, it still finds its way in there. I think that after spending a lot of money on a computer complete with the obiquitous operating environment I shouldn't have to worry about this stuff.

I have spent many hours reading help forums to combat all of the stuff that someone can pick up and consider myself moderately skilled at doing this, but what about those who aren't? They hook it all up and hop on the internet and a few weeks later the new computer is lagging and running like crap.

Like my Dad for instance, he goes to maybe 4 or 5 sites a day, thats it. Gets email from maybe 8 friends and family members. His computer is less than a year old. It was on its last leg when I went and fiddled with it and got it back to speed.

OK I'm done! I found this earlier and got a chuckle out of it:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. Amiga would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

6. Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower.

7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.

9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but the packaging would be superb.

10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

11. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

12. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

13. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.

14. There would be an "Engine Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.

15. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes. Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.

16. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free, including IBM!

17. If you still ran old versions of car (ie. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11), then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!

18. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow your friends, and then copy it.

19. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganise the ignition for a few days before it worked.

20. You would need to buy an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other.

Older but not wiser!

I had a birthday a few days back-I didn't want to make a big deal about it and just laid around the house most of the day, watched a movie and read a bit.

Rick got me a neat gift that I had been wanting, it's the one in black:



It is nicer than I thought, even though it is new, it has the heft of an old fashioned phone as well as the ring of one.

Later on in the evening we went out for a bit and word got out that it was my birthday-it gets a little blurry after that. Everyone that knew me decided to buy me tequila, oy. I actually held up pretty well and didn't have a hangover.

A few rather unrelated incidences put a new idea in my head. Actually and old idea that never got off the ground. First I read a blog entry from my friend Ginger about the upcoming NoNoWriMo event. I felt a tingle of excitment, but then put it off. Then later I was reading a webpage and there was a link to it again. Still I put it off.

My dad had given me a book to read, called Level 7. It is written in first person, which I thought if I ever wrote something it would be in that format. Then I started thinking and the next thing I knew, I opened up Word and began writing. I have written twice now, but up to 18 pages and the story keeps telling itself. It is fun. I have no high ideas that I'll be a bestseller soon, but it's a start-a learning experience.

Anyone else having trouble with splog on your blog? I have been getting about 2 comments a day. I found this place to report it, not sure if it helps, but it's a start!

From the mouth of babies...

I went to see my parents yesterday-my Mom was about the same-honked out on morphine. She is eating well, but sleeping a lot. My Dad was running around the house doing laundry, getting her food ready and making sure her pills were in order. I did some dishes for him and vacuumed so he could take a break. He said at one point "I'm tired of being a housewife."

About 20 minutes ago, I overheard something that had me chuckling. I live across the alley from a massive daycare center. This daycare center bought about 7 houses on that block and renovated them really nicely, put up big fences and the house directly behind me is the play yard complete with a fort.

I can hear the the kids playing from about 10am til about 5:30pm. Normally it is just the white noise type sounds of kids screaming, laughing etc.

Today I went in the backyard to check to see if any of the dogs were digging around the fence and overheard:

Girl screaming...

Day care lady: EDWARD! Leave her alone!

Edward: She was only screaming because I tried to kiss her.

Day care lady: She doesn't want you to kiss her, we have been over this before-now get inside for a time out.

Edward: She really likes me, she just wont admit it because Manuel is watchiiiiiing.

Little girl: Oh great, now Manual will want to kiss me too.

I got such a kick out of that-her secret was out now! I looked over and saw her on top of the fort with this look of resign on her face, Edward climbing down for his punishment.

Manuel was probably crossing the yard to climb up in the fort!

It is supposed to get cold here by Thursday with a high of 40 and rainy. I feel fall coming! No more mowing-YAY!

The pill hider...

Last week my Dad called hospice and they are now coming everyday to help my Mom. They are regulating her medicine, helping her with insurance forms, even getting her one of those lift up chairs. They have been really great.

Yesterday they brought in a new medication for my Mom and she, for whatever reason, decided she didn't want to take them and she has hid them from my Dad.

I have been doing good, trekking along so far (knock on wood). I worked in the yard today planting some ornamental cabbage. I've been catching up on my reading and movie watching.

I'm anxiously awaiting my new computer. I found a great deal online-I can't tell if it was a mess up or a real promo but the ad said free upgrade on a flat panel monitor. It already started out with a 19" flat panel, so I clicked to the 24" flat panel and the price stayed the same. I checked out and it's on it's way. The list price of the monitor was more than the computer was!

I got a letter today from our good Governor-urging me to vote FOR constitutional amendment #2 on November 2nd-which prohibits marriage, civil unions and domestic partnership for anyone but a man and a woman. I'm sure it will pass here in the good ole boy state of Texas but after a phone call I am sure I am off their mailing list!

Sunday was mine and Ginger's 25th year anniversary of the day we met! It has been a wonderful 25 years I wouldn't trade for the world.

Renewal

I wasn't doing anything and then a sudden deluge of rain came. It felt very uplifting and gave me a sense of peace. I look forward to the tomorrows.

More than I can handle?

I'm not sure yet?!

In addition to everything else Rick's oldest son was arrested and is in jail. Actually he is in a detention center which we have been told is pretty bad, but not at all like anything he has experienced before.

He has called many times begging for us to bail him out-he has promised the world if only we would. But luckily Rick hasn't and I don't think he will. He has finally hit bottom and Rick has accepted that he needs to be there for a bit to learn from this.

Rick wanted to bail him out right away, which I can't blame him-this is his son, but he realized enabling him any further would only make the next time of hitting bottom even worse.

It doesn't make the 20 times + collect calls a day any easier to ignore.

His sister took us to a support group and Rick heard things he needed to hear from people who have been down this road before and I think that made the difference. I think his son has a chance as long as he doesn't take lightly the support he will have.

My Dad finally talked my Mom into going to the doctor. She was severely dehydrated from not wanting to eat or drink anything. They put her on and IV drip and gave my Dad some advice on how to keep that from happening again. He got her home and has been making her favorite meals and drinks and so far so good.

She still can't walk on her own but when I called today I heard her in the background yelling and complaining to him-and he laughed and said she is back to normal!

I hope everyone has a great weekend :)

I'm the last to know...

The last I heard from my Dad is that my Mom was doing fairly decent-for someone dying of cancer that is. She had gained weight and was feeling pretty good-she had got a good "report card" from her doctor.

Then like things that come out of the blue at 10:15pm on a wednesday night I get a call from my Dad and he tells me that she is going downhill fast. He wants me to go talk with hospice with him. Just last week I tried to bring this up and he assured me that hospice was a long way off.

It is strange how a few days change things. He noticed that she is having more trouble getting around-falling and getting confused about where she is. He had to help her with bathroom functions. He sounded so desperate and sad that it reminded me of something in the past.

The first time I learned what love was really all about was when I was young and went with my great grandfather to visit my great grandmother's grave. Me, my Mom, my Dad and my great grandfater went to put flowers on my great grandmothers grave on year when I was 16.

I was bored and felt like I should be doing something cool with my friends and was probably feeling offended that I had to tag along to a cemetary. After they placed the flowers on her grave we get back in the car I remember looking in the backseat and seeing my great grandfather crying. A big tough guy crying got my attention and then he says "I miss her so much".

It hit me then-they had been married for what seemed to me at the time for an eternity and I was feeling pissy that I was missing being with my friends. I have never forgiven myself for that.

By many different cirumstances I have neglected many family relationships-maybe a flaw with me or a difference that they couldn't get past, but I feel this impending death in our family will define each and every one of us.

I have had a few drinks and have rambled on enough! I hope that my family and friends that feel like I have neglected them will give me the space I need to work all the things that I need to right now.

A break in the heat...

Since friday it has rained steadily here. It started when our old roof was off and the new one was partially on! It was a deluge and we had a few leaks until the roofers did some temporary tarping. I guess they didn't watch the weather channel that day! Finally they came back the next day during a break in the rain and finished. It looks really nice.

It has been nice to have a lot of needed rain and to have our high temperatures be in the low 70's.

We finally got our dishwasher installed and working properly. It took a few days because some parts that were supposed to come with the dishwasher either got lost or weren't in the box. I was so excited doing the first load of dishes since I hadn't had a dishwasher for the last 3 years.

My Dad called and said my Mom got a good checkup at the doctor-she had even gained a few pounds. She finally started using a wheelchair when shopping so she hasn't been so tired and run down when she gets home.

Bon Voyage Ginger!
She is off to see one of the American Idol concerts. She has met more famous people this year than you can shake a stick at! I think she has become a groupie!

I blame Georgianna for getting me hooked on Adult Swim. Especially Family Guy and Futurama. I will not admit that I watch Robot Chicken since it is so tasteless that I can't quit laughing at it!

I hope everyone had a great weekend :)

Time flies..

Each day I didn't blog added up and it got to where it was easier not to. I have been neglecting several things in my life it seemed.

Still no change in my Mom, she is eating ok, not in any pain, but I can see her wasting away each time I visit. When I went to visit last-she was watching TV with a vacant stare and everytime I tried to start any conversation she was short and barely understandible.

My sister's way of dealing with this has been to remodel our parents house. I think my sister is upset that me and my brother haven't helped-in fact her and my brother had a huge fight that ended with her screaming obscenities at him. More power to her if she has the money and time, but I don't see scraping and painting the outside of their house in 95 degree weather making me feel any better about her impending death.

My Dad started getting my brother to go mow for him, but he laughed and said that it is too expensive having him do that because by the time he gets the front and back done he has drank his weight in beer.

I quit my job so I didn't have to deal with an overemotional passive aggressive boss. Once I gave my my two weeks notice things went on a honeymoon and she was as nice as could be, but I think it was because another person gave their notice as well and left.

I've got a lot of things done on the house, decorating wise. I have a painting project this weekend and the only thing I'll have left is the kitchen. We were scheduled to get a new roof tomorrow but the rain will put that off a week.

I hope everyone has been doing good and not neglecting their journals like I have! I have a lot of catching up to do :)

Ups and Downs

Last week I had a panic attack. Too many things were going on at once-here at the house, with my parents, etc. Rick and I had had an argument, my Mom had started to get worse and I still hadn't rented any of my vacant apartments...it was all just too much at once. I am now having trouble sleeping and my appetite is not very good lately.

I'm starting to feel a little better-not 100% yet. I got 2 of my apartments rented (although one has backed out now) and have a great prospect for tomorrow.

My Dad said that he has noticed a huge change in my Mom at night, she is restless and can't sleep and last night she feel during the night roaming around. He talks about wills and funeral plans every day. He is not going to go to work anymore to stay at home with her.

He told me last night that he has known her for over 45 years and he can tell something is wrong and that she is going downhill fast. It has been very stressful on all of us and I can't talk my Dad into getting help-so it has been mostly on him.

I'm thinking of going to a counselor to help deal with all of this, and in return maybe help him a little. All I feel I can do know is be there for them-but I feel helpless.

Rick's Mom has surgery in the morning, luckily not a major one and she should be home by thursday.

I hope everyone's week is going great :)

All grown up...

Rick and I spent some time with each of our parents today and did some shopping for more domestic stuffs for the house like a park bench and some hanging flower baskets.

I had a surprise visit from a friend and spent some time with her and her 2 sons. I hadn't seen them in so long it was like that became adults all of the sudden that I could carry on adult conversations with!

Our barn swallows under the porch are almost ready to leave the nest. They are almost as big as the parents. Rick took this picture the other day of the mother swooping in with dinner:



He didn't like it because the blurriness of the mother, but I think it made an awesome picture.

The weekend...

I'm still having trouble with my computer. It seems that the only time I get the BSOD is when I open Firefox. Nothing else has caused it. I am going to try to uninstall and reinstall it tomorrow to see if that helps anything. I hope to catch up on my usual journal reading when I have access to my bookmarks!

Hopefully tomorrow I'll get an apartment or two rented. I have had some strange calls from some even stranger people.

Tomorrow is a short day AND payday :) Too bad bills get in the way of all that money!

I hope everyone has a great weekend...

Computer Blues...

I keep getting error messages that might as well say: You still have Windows 98 what do you expect?"

I'm still using a computer I bought in 1997 (!) but it has been doing pretty good up until Rick plopped his brand new computer next to mine! Now mine seems sluggish and contrary after experiencing Windows XP.

I tried to plug in a scanner to it yesterday and after 20 minutes of error messages, pulling out hair, and one eye bugging out I gave up. I plugged the usb into Rick's computer and this little bubble on the task bar popped up and said your hardware is installed and ready to use. Can't get any better than that! Actually at first I was a little annoyed that it was that easy plus Rick rubbed it in a bit.

I'm working off of his while I defrag mine and run 10 other diagnostics on it. It seems like a losing battle now. I'm going to try to build one in the next few months with the help of a friend and use the old one as a server. I hope mine will hold on until then.

Other than that, my life was boring today. Is it Friday yet?

Almost, but not quite...

I have had quite a few calls on my vacant rentals, but so far nothing concrete.

I did have to turn one away due to a felony assault that they "forgot" to disclose. I probably would have rented to them otherwise. I have 2 interested in the smaller one and one guy that was supposed to call back tonight, but never did. Thanks again Georgianna for the help.

I didn't get picked for jury duty, but then felt horrible and stayed in bed afterwards. Rick has been sick with something similar. I feel better now, but he is still not 100%.

The birds under my porch have been busy feeding the 6 hungry nestlings. We sat on the porch earlier watching the male and female make many trips back and forth as our neighbors across the way slowly hack down their beautiful evergreens.

My eyelid tic is back. I thought it was gone for good. I can't pinpoint any one thing that could have brought it back although I have been feeling blue-ish and moody. I hope it runs its course soon since it is more annoying than the cause usually!

Off to do laundry-I hope everyone had a great monday :)

More stormy weather...

Saturday around 5:30 Rick and I were mowing, I had my headphones on getting into a Gwen Stefani groove. I noticed the weather getting dreary back to the west and was just finishing up when the sirens start wailing.

Tornadoes and potential tornadoes all around us.

My nerves were shot by the second round of sirens and the gaggle of drag queens all gathered in front of the house next door screaming, pointing, as well as reenacting the Wizard of Oz twister scene.

Rick's inner storm chaser got the better of him and he grabbed his camera and off he went into the action. His daughter, her friend and I were glued to the TV. Finally, a friend offers shelter in the storm. She has a basement so off we went.

2 pizzas later the weather settled down. I love this kind of weather, but could do without tornado threat. It was made so much more tolerable by good friends :) Thanks again-

Sunday we worked on the house adding a few touches here and there that made it more home like.

Tomorrow I have jury duty :O wish me luck!

I hope everyone had a great weekend.

Stormy weather

This was the view from my front porch earlier this week as a storm was blowing by..



Nature never ceases to amaze me.

A work in progress...

This is the new journal I have been working on and trying to get used to.

Thanks to herwest with the graphics and a few hours playing around with it-this is what I have so far...

PointClickJeff

I may switch over and it lets you post comments without being a member. There are good points to it but it has been weird since I'm used to blogger.

I hope everyone is having a great week :)

The last few days....

My weekend was good, didn't really do anything that I should have done and lazed around instead.

Sunday I went and got a snazzy grill for Rick. It took forever to put together since I'm not one to follow directions! I had it all together and then realized it was on backwards and the propane tank wouldn't reach the intake valve. So I had to take it all apart and start over. But once we got it all done, it worked like a charm.

The gaggle of drag queens were outside so it felt like I had an audience! When I got done and was cleaning up the trash I hear "yayyyyyyyy, you got it all together! When is dinner?" I stood there frozen until I hear laughing and one of them says "just kidding, we are performing tonight and have to get our wigs ready."

They haven't been too bad, more amusing than anything. I get home from work one day last week and see a fuschia dress drip drying in the breeze on their front porch. And if they hadn't moved in I never would have seen a grown man sashaying in daisy dukes while mowing!

Monday I worked for a few hours and spent the rest of the day on the golf course for a fund raiser. It was hot but breezy, a beer cart came around every so often and I had great company.

I've been working on a new blog on a place a friend suggested called livejournal. I was leary of switching but she was relentless and even paid for a year subscription for it! So I have been playing with a layout and slowly getting used to it. Once I get it to my liking I'll post the link and see what everyone thinks.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and is having a great week :)

Blast from the past

Through work, I happened to see someone from my past. 1979 past.

It was someone from the "cool" crowd, someone I wished I could hang out with way back when but I was either too intimidated to attempt that or they were too "cool" to bother with me. It is hard to tell now and does it really even matter?

I wouldn't say I went as far as idolizing this person, but I was jealous of the coolness I interpreted of their life. I envied her so much, her friends, what I thought her life was like-they lived in a neat house, drove the neat foreign car, her mother looked so exotic, and she wore the best stuff in the class.

I heard her talk more in that 30 minutes than I had in the 9 years I went to school with her. As I sit on the other side of the desk as they were interviewed, with quite personal questions, my whole envy/coolness/jealousy ideals from the past were covered with a wet blanket.

I couldn't help but think back to the girl that I thought I knew to the adult that was spilling details quite freely in front of me. It turns out her childhood was horrid with physical and mental abuse. I have no tale to tell like that about my childhood-I look back on my childhood up to graduation and smile.

As I sit there writing and listening to her, it struck me how I percieve things to how they actually are are similar to a funhouse mirror. But I already knew that, this was just an oddly placed reminder.

We have vacancies.....

I had a decent day with a bit of on the cheap shopping and on the cheap dining out. I read a bit and watched some mindless TV shows. We have been working on the backyard. I put out some solar lights that we were given and Rick has the lawn looking great-front and back.

I feel ok considering but only if I don't think about things too hard.

I had one renter move out, then another skip out on me and then find out today that another one has bought a house and will be leaving soon. 3 vacancies in one month is not good. I'll have to tighten the proverbial belt and hunker down for a bit.

I want to thank everyone for the nice comments and one day soon I will come up for air.

Holiday Weekend to now......

I had a pretty good weekend. I started it with some good friends over for martinis on friday. Saturday and Sunday were good, lazy days.

Monday was my Mom's birthday. She asked for a birthday cake, something she never does. My sister whipped up a good one and we sat around eating and visiting. My Mom hates most of the gifts I buy here so I settled on lottery scratch offs-they went over well since she won some money.

She seemed in a good mood. She still has not reconsidered any more treatment and was treating Monday as her last birthday. So singing happy birthday was really sad and got even worse when my 10 year old nephew added the "and many more" that landed flat.

Poor kid, I don't think he knew-but that was when the big white elephant in the corner came out to play.

Monday night we had severe storms that knocked out our power for a bit and today while I was at the post office mailing some stuff for work, the tornado sirens went off and I was stuck there for about 30 minutes.

My general mood has been ok lately but it feels I am under water. I have got upset over some little things because it feels like if just one thing goes wrong everything will spin out of control.

I have that sick to my stomach feeling I got when I was little and something scared me because I didn't understand. The first time I remember having that feeling was one year when I was about 4-my Mom had to go to Dallas to a funeral and it was the first time I was apart from her.

Everyone else was acting normal and I felt sad/abandoned/lonely/scared and didn't understand. So I ran into her room and comforted myself by smelling her perfume, purses, hairspray etc-bawling the whole time. Then my Dad realized what was up and explained that she would be back the next day......

It wasn't all bad....

I was in a bad mood yesterday when I told about the retreat. There were fun times. The scenery was amazing, the house on the mountain we stayed in was amazing. Our view was of the Rocky Mountain National Park mountains. Here is a picture of the view off of one of the decks:



My mom was supposed to go in for her 11th radiation treatment today. She got there and changed her mind. She has decided to quit, she can't take it anymore. Whether it be the pain, the exhaustion or both. My dad has decided to let her make her own decision on the matter. I haven't figured out what to do-feeling helpless at the moment.

To make matters worse, I needed Rick to lean on today and he was in his own little sulky world and wouldn't tell me why. Instead of a shoulder to cry on I got a cold one. It will take more than I think he is willing to give for him to make it up to me-it was just shy of unforgivable in my opinion.

Back home....

I'm finally unpacked and rested from the "retreat". I had a great time-up until Saturday. We stayed one day toooooo long I think. Or actually not even that.

It wasn't planned well to begin with. There wasn't very good communication on a schedule or what was actually supposed to happen. We were told Saturday was a "free" day when it should have been said Saturday was a do what we tell you to do day but we will be passive aggressive, not pay you and call it a free day anyway.

So here I am in a fun city thinking that it is still a free day and decide to go shopping for something for Rick and myself in neat little shops. Ooops on my part because the boss sees this as I'm not a team player and avoiding the group!?

Instead of telling me this in person, it was done in a third grade kinda way that I took all kinds of wrong. She told a third person to tell me. Someone I thought I could trust-so in jest I say something like if she wants me to do what she says then she needs to pay me. Something that was implied that was not to be repeated but that was repeated.

This made the trip SO much more fun! She was in tears and the rest of the day went to hell. Then I was told in the same fashion that a meeting was to be held back at the cabin to discuss the situation.

It was all so unprofessional. She was in tears and I felt attacked-like it was my fault that I decided to enjoy a free day that I ruined it for everyone. BS. I was 5 minutes away from calling a taxi and heading to the nearest rent a car place. Needless to say the trip back was so much fun!

Can you imagine the head of a GM or IBM calling a meeting because their feelings were hurt and then bursting into tears about it? Jeesh.

I considered quitting. I considered just leaving all my stuff at the office and never going back in. But my co-worker friend Herwest and I devised a plan to just let it go and let them be the ones to self destruct. To compact it down like good little anglos and pretend.

We have fun regardless, let them be the ones to be miserable at work. The person that decided to stab me in the back will eventually dig her own hole deep enough where no one will want to be around her because she is duplicitious. The rest of the office that feeds off that will go down with her.

Besides, we spend more time up there than at home, I pity them for making it miserable for themselves when Herwest and I are having fun with it. We can choose to let all of this go and enjoy our work.

I'll post some of the pictures I took of the beautiful surroundings we were in this week.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and a great start of the week :)

Bon Voyage Moi....

I got all my stuff gathered and ready to be packed. Tomorrow I have to find my luggage! I left it at the fourplex storage so I get to go and dig it out.

I like to pack early and have a list but I always feel like I am forgetting something.

I spent the weekend working on yard stuff. Rick mowed the yard while I edged. It is looking really nice. We went and bought some patio furniture, some hanging plants and some potted plants to put out on the porch and patio.

I just bought some adirondack chairs and a table because I am holding out on a nice set with an umbrella that I have to save up for. Rick wants the nice grill instead of the one we have that the grill that falls in if you look at it the wrong way!

I also put in a digital thermostat, it is working nicely. Slowly but surely we are getting it done. I still have some painting to do that I put off every weekend and some doors to put up.

Wish me luck on the working "retreat"! I hope everyone has a great rest of the week and weekend :)

Bon Voyage Ginger.....

I know you will have a great time in Cancun! I'm so jealous!!!! Send a wish you were here postcard :)

Past Life Aggression...

I was down last week thinking about how my life has changed from what it used to be to what it is today. I kept thinking of all the good things of my past life comparing them to the bad things in my life now. That was productive!

It took a few comments from a friend to get me to see my error. I started reassessing. I didn't like who I had become in my past life with what I was given. I like myself now mostly. The problems I had in my past life were mostly a direct result of my own reactions to what I was given. My problems now seem so less daunting compared.

I had someone else handling everything for me for so long that now when confronted with something it is almost if I have to "learn" how to deal with it. I'm getting better.

I was lost in my past life, floating by without a care in the world-with blinders on. When the blinders came off it took a lot of energy to recover. In some small ways I still am but I get better everyday.

I owe it all to the scorpio who used me up and spit me out and is now living what was my past life. Poor guy, he has what he deserves.

and the rain came...

Rick planted the Austrian Pine that I bought for him yesterday. He spent so much time making sure it was in the right spot, not leaning too far one way or the other, and mixing all the fertilizers and root stimulators.

We had severe weather all around us tonight, but we ended up getting a good thunderstorm with a little bit of wind. It started about 5 minutes after Rick had just put all the yard tools away. I hope it gives the new tree a good start.

I am in my best moods when it is raining, but it was just the icing on the cake after seeing Rick so excited about our new addition.

I hope everyone is having a great week :)

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid....Audre Lorde

Feathered Friends

It took some doing, but I finally caught them.




They are making a mess of the porch, but they seem settled in! The pretty purplish blue irridescent color is only visible when they are in flight, its on the underside of their wings.

Earlier in the day when I let the dogs out I saw Taylor grab a bird and gnaw on it a bit. By the time I got there it was too late, I hate to put it out of its misery. I find that so hard to do, but the poor thing was suffering. Rick found one barely hanging on this weekend and I found the carnage of one the day before that. We didn't know who was responsible until today.

No more bird feeders in the back yard. I resisted the urge to punish Taylor, I decided I couldn't fault him for being the breed of dog he is and having that in his nature.

I went with my parents to what was supposed to have been the first radiation treatment. The Radiology Tech wasn't happy with how the computer was pinpointing so they wanted to run some more tests. They decided to work with the numbers more and postpone until tomorrow.

My Mom was a little upset since she had worked herself into a tizzy preparing for today. As she was getting in the car and I was saying goodbye, she said I'll go crazy before they get started. I can completely understand.

I was wanting to be there for the first one but I don't want to try and take off early tomorrow again. She was happy with her pink squishy pillow (whiched matched her shirt perfectly) that a friend from work gave me to give to her. I also got a waiting room goody bag from the same friend filled with a book, candies etc. My day was stressful and I kept remembering back to that kindness to take the edge off.

I hope everyone had a good Monday :)

Long lost brother and feathered friends...

I went over to see my parents today. My brother has been staying with them for a while and I knew I was bound to run into him. I just wasn't prepared.

He burned our bridges years ago but I guess after all that LSD he fried enough synapses to where he didn't remember.

I chose the peacemaking route for my parents, I just listened to his BS and shook my head and went on. My mom was in an agitated state since her first radiation treatment is tomorrow. My Dad was in an agitated state from that and from the accumilative effects of having my brother there for more than 1 hour!

He finally got a job, and my Dad is working on getting him an apartment.

I saw a little bit of the brother I used to know peep through the 4 beers he drank while I was there for little over an hour. But the voice in the back of my head kept reminding me to not get close again.

On our covered porch up in the rafter area, there are 2 electrical boxes for exterior plugs. For the last three years there has been a bird couple that builds a mud nest on top and lays their eggs. They started their nest a few days ago.

The first year they would dive bomb us when we walked outside or up to the porch. Last year and this year I guess they are used to us and just stare when we go in or out. I'll get some pictures tomorrow and post them. They have pretty colors on them-sort of a purple/blue irrirdescent color.

The nest is about a foot away from the porch light and last year we noticed when the babies hatched and the light was turned on they would all stick their heads up and chirp loud with their beaks open. We couldn't tell if it hurt their eyes, so we leave the porch light off until they fly away just in case.

I wondered today if it is the same couple coming back each year or one of the previous hatchlings. Rick and I were both saying how nice it is to have them back again even if it means not having a porch light for awhile.

Ricks family had a big picnic at a park today. It was fun, lots of good food and we played football and volleyball. I felt so graceful-while we were waiting to play football the ball rolled to me-I went to stop it with my foot and went down.

I hope everyone had a great weekend :)

Snow and some resolution...

I went to bed Sunday night to a nice thunderstorm and woke up Monday morning with snow. It was odd, it snowed most of the day and was cold. It all melted the next day but it has been drizzly and wet since then with a chill in the air. Is this really May??

Work has been going good-we go on a working retreat to a nice resort town 8 hours away in a few weeks. I haven't been out of town in ages so I'm looking forward to it. Not sure how it'll go with some of the people at work that I haven't known that long and how we will get along. I'm going to go into it with a positive attitude and take some Martini makings juuuuuuuuuuuust in case!

Rick and I had a really good talk today about us. We didn't go in depth about some things that we need to later, but I feel it was a great start that will lead to that. There were some things we talked about that neither of us had any idea were an issue with the other. Then we came up with some solutions. We are slowly getting there.

The biggest hurdle I have had was not thinking I had to work at it-in my last relationship we reached a comfort and understanding level that we glided on for so many years. I keep forgetting how past relationships can define current ones and not always in a good way.

I hope everyone is having a great week :)

We'll see...

I'm feeling transitional today. It is odd, I feel like I am on the verge of something but cannot put my finger on it.

I know there is something better out there for me but I don' feel like I know what it is and that if I did know what it was if I even deserve it.

If I am in a relationship with someone whether it be a friend, lover or parent-that I tend to go out of my way to make sure their needs are being met regardless of my feelings. Every now and then I will need something out of that relationship and I hold them to MY standards. Maybe they can't live up to them and feel slighted if they can't deliver.

Is it my problem or theirs? This is where I am at. Should I feel selfish that I have put out this effort and they can't or won't?

I am all about compromise. Compromise defined my last relationship. We may have not agreed on everything but we worked hard to make sure both of out needs were taken in consideration and that we both got something out of the choices we made.

In my current relationship I don't have that luxury. I don't think that Rick ever learned the art of compromise-at least in a spousal type relationship. I think it is very important. He doesn't. So if I agree partially but not 100% to something he wants then he feels like he had to give up 100% instead of partially.

In relationships I feel like if the other person isn't happy then I have done something wrong even if I know in my gut that I have done everything I can to try to make them happy. Then I feel like these are my issues and shouldn't hold them up to my standards-can we say people pleaser???

I talked to my Dad earlier and he told me how everything is going in regards with my Mom's treatments. I haven't heard him so upbeat in over a year. The place that they are going to are going out of their way to help them physically, mentally, as well as monetarily. My mom has her first treatment on the 9th and they are almost looking forward to it-the people at the cancer center have been such a positive influence.

That gives me such hope not only in that everything will be ok, but in fate as a whole. I lucked into meeting the person that set all of this in motion. I mentioned this earlier-I met this lady through a work fund raiser and bam-everything changed.

That in itself makes me so humble to have found this job. Then you add that to being able to to expand on my relationship with Rick's sister who works there and meeting an extraordianary person that I can now call a friend that I wouldn't have met otherwise and it maks me feel like yes there are good things in life that maybe I do deserve.

We'll see.

the panhandler and the D I V O R C E

I was alone at work most of the day and oddly it went by quick-I was thinking it would be slow as molasses. I did lunch alone. There is a subway a block away and I walked over there and on the way back got hit up by a panhandler.

From a bad mugging experience from a panhandler years ago I don't respond to them well at all. This one got pissed when I said no, followed and heckled me. I never felt unsafe, there were many people around downtown.

Overall it was a good day-I got caught up on most of my bills, did some shopping and lazed around after I got home but still feel a sort of depression hanging over me. I can't pinpoint what it is. It has been lingering for a few weeks. I usually don't cry while watching movies but lately I have been a blubber baby.

I'm usually not an emotional person outwardly, I tend to be more reserved so it has thrown me off a bit. I know to some it seems like I am cold, Rick said that he has never met someone so reserved emotionally before.

For instance-a couple of friends of ours split after 9 years. While I am sad and feel badly for both I haven't got caught up in their "drama" and see it for what it really is-a bad divorce where both sides are using emotions to control as well as the he said/he said game.

I think I wrote about it here once where Rick has chosen one side over the other and I haven't. I still haven't but I tend to talk more to the one that doesn't want to talk for 3 hours about their pity party.

So both of them and Rick think that I am weird that I haven't been devistated by the breakup. Then when I tried to explain to Rick how I see what is going on (games, etc) he said how can you not be more emotional about this.

I told him that one person is trying to control the other by one day coming over and the next day saying I never want to see you again-this is the person who left yet still keeps showing up when he needs something. The other person is trying to get sympathy (and control the other) by saying that he will never love another person again and no one will ever want him and he has no reason for living.

It is exhausting dealing with both of them and I got tired of being used where they both ask what the other had said. I don't think Rick had looked at what each are getting out of the relationship still-even though it is over.

My Mom has a saying-People and pigs like to wallow in Sh** because its warm and gooey. I think this applies to both.

Don't get me wrong-I don't look down on them at all and do sympathize and have my own problems-I think that is why I don't want to deal with theirs as well and I'm fed up with their relationship issues spilling over into mine.

Ok, I'm through venting/ranting :0 I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow and a wonderful weekend.

Two surprises...

#1) I knew that we were having a going away get together today at the office for an intern that is graduating and going on to get her Masters. So at about 2:30 today we all gathered and I was looking forward to a mid afternoon sugar rush of cake and cookies. On the table was a gift for her and two cards.

I'm standing there drooling for cake and was handed a card with my name on it. I said, uh oh, it's a going away party for two????

Apparantly it was Executive Assistant Day-Everyone had passed a card around and chipped in for a Barnes and Nobles gift certificate. I was really surprised since I hadn't been there that long.

I finally feel comfortable with 90% of what I'm doing and still don't dread going to work. Of course when I get up in the morning and would rather go back to bed, but once I get going I'm fine.

#2) Today Rick looked up our insurance coverage pertaining to therapist/counseling on his own initiative. I was really surprised he did this without me having to badger him for weeks! The best part is that it is free.

I hope Rick follows through. I'm definetely going to use this. Look out therapist/counselor here I come...

Rainy Monday..

Work went by pretty fast today. I got caught up on a bunch of paperwork and did some organizing.

We had a nice rain, but it got colder-around 40-finally clearing up after dinner.

The training on the weekend went well-I learned a lot of things that will help, not just in the job, but in life in general. So far something I have learned in training has helped in two instances. I've never had training before that after it is complete I get a badge-so I'm looking forward to that.

Rick is getting depressive about work. Escalated calls in customer service can't be fun. I'm trying to get him to go to a therapist/counselor in order to learn new ways on handling those types of calls. He gets real quiet when its almost time for work and has used several of his vacation days already just so he won't have to go deal with it.

While I can completely understand that, I don't want him to live like that-been there, done that. I think it will help in that aspect as well as many others. I also suggested a blog to help vent-works for me! I told him tomorrow after work I'll show him how to set one up and get going with it.

I have been thinking about going to see someone-I figured it can't hurt. I've been to one before and got a lot out of it.

I hope everyone had a good Monday and that Tuesday is even better.

An apology and lots of scanning...

Today was a pretty good day, it flew by because it was so hectic and busy.

We are preparing for an appreciation dinner for tomorrow and I had to scan about 200 pictures to be used for a slide show. I will have to rethink my scanner/printer position. I kept having to stand up to insert the picture and then sit down to run the program. I wasn't too busy with normal things so I was glad to help out-the person I am helping is so much busier than I and it felt good to lighten her load.

Tomorrow will be pretty busy with setting up for the dinner. I'm looking forward to it. Then we have training for the next two weekends I will help prepare for as well as attend.

Rick finally saw things my way about his daughter-he has been really nice yesterday and today-I even got an apology which is rare. I think it helped that everyone ganged up on him and took my side-his mother, sister, x-wife....

So it's shaping up to be a good week, although busy. Even a friend of mine that had been out of town for awhile is back in town and I'm hoping to see him Friday.

I get paid Friday too-even better. I'll be able to pay a few bills that are late.
I'm hoping in a few weeks to be caught up and maybe have some savings as well.

My Mother went to see a radiologist and it was good news. He told her with 8 weeks of radiation every day and 8 weeks of chemotherapy once a week will give her a 45% chance of a cure. The idea of no drastic surgery has my Mother feeling so much better already.

The other good news was what looked like cancer in her cheek bone is only the tumor protruding into the bone, not growing in it.

Now I'm going to drop a bomb in my tub!

True Colors, learning styles and a proposition for Rick....

Today at work I had two informative classes.

The first one was figuring out what type of environment you learn best in and how to adapt to it. It was interesting. I'm a visual/kinesthetic learner. I got a zero in auditory learning. I'm the type that will take something out of a box and not read instructions and figure it out hands on. Cue cards, graphs and video are supposed to help me learn faster.

It was pretty dead on to how I have learned things easier my whole life. A classic style lecture class puts me to sleep. I had a few of those in college and learned more on my own than in class. I made perfect grades on anything with a lab and I got perfect grades in classes that I made cue cards to learn the material.

The next one was about what type of personality you have/how you are perceived. True Colors. I'm a green with a close blue second. I talked Rick into coming to it. It was really informative and I learned more about how to avoid conflict by knowing how to interact with the other types of personalities and what they need and how they look at themselves.

Poor Rick, he thought it was going to be a lecture and he would sit there and listen. It was a little more interactive. He was the greedy orange eater in a little "play" up on stage. It was just a little skit to see how easy it is to mediate a conflict and come to a resolution.

The other part that was funny was when we introduced ourselves. A tissue box was passed around and people took one or a few. So when it was your turn to intro you had to tell one thing about yourself for every tissue you took.

Rick took 3 and mentioned he likes the mountains, flyfishing and something about his job. Then it got over to the other side of the room and this one lady said "I want my tissue to stand for a quesion" "I want to know if Rick is married, I love fly fishing and the mountains".

Everyone that knew me looked right at me like they were expecting me to say "why yes, yes he is" or something like that. Later we all got a kick out of it.

I'm wore out-I left the house at 8AM and got in about 10PM. I'm glad tomorrow is friday!! I hope everyone has a great day.

Another addition to the family...

This friday I'm picking up Taylor from my ex. Taylor is an american foxhound and very well behaved. I think I posted a picture of him awhile back. I'll take some new ones of him when he gets here.



He was a stray pound puppy-he looked pitiful when I saw him that day. He was hunkered down at the back of the cage shivvering and whining until he saw me and then he ran up to the bars, sat down and put his paw up-it was love at first sight.

Randy knows him and tolerates him like he does Petey. Taylor loves to play around so I'll bet Petey will have a blast-Randy won't play with him since he is older.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself - Josh Billings

I hope everyone had a good day-the weekend is almost here!

It finally felt like spring today...

Today was a long day at work but when I got home Rick had dinner going on the grill outside as a surprise. It was funny, on the way home I stopped and got a key lime pie just for the heck of it, so we had a pretty good dinner.

Another surprise was when a friend from work dropped off some fresh out of the oven chocolate chip cookies and some milk. She has said she was going to go home and bake cookies and drop them off on my porch-but I thought she was kidding since she made a comment about feeling domestic today! It was a nice surprise.

The weather was nice today and it finally felt like spring-Rick took these pictures of the red bud tree, apple tree and tulips in bloom:









I hope everyone had a great day :)

Catching up....

Today was my day to catch up on some housework. Vacuuming, laundry, dusting-all that fun stuff. So I thought I would catch up on here too.

This weekend was good. I relaxed around the house, Rick did some yardwork and I watched a couple of movies. I also went to the movies with a friend of mine. We saw Sin City. I kinda liked it, but everyone else I have talked to that has seen it didn't really care for it because of the dialogue/overacting/gore/violence. Keeping with that theme, Rick and I watched Saw this weekend.

I splurged and bought a new wireless keyboard and mouse this weekend. It took a bit of doing to hook it up but I finally got it going. I didn't notice on the box it said for Windows XP only. I found some drivers on the web that work with them so I didn't have to take it back.

Work has been going good. I have been working with a new software program and have been entering data going back to October. It will occupying my time for awhile!

My parents are still upbeat about the appointment they have with a radiologist this week. They are doing the paperwork to get everything started with them.

I talked to my Dad earlier today and found out that my brother is moving back home. This worries and angers me all at once. I haven't spoken to my brother in about 8 years and still don't intend to when/if he moves back.

He is 45 and has never thought of anyone but himself. He married at 17 and has since been married 4 times and at the last count has over 15 kids. He left each one when things got too hard to handle-never taking care of them or the kids that were left behind. He is planning on leaving his current wife with 2 kids because it's too much for him.

I respect their wishes to let him come back home to get back on his feet, and I know they love him as their son. I know they would do the same for me or my sister. But I worry that he sees my parents in a vulnerable state and may try to take advantage of them-that is who he has been in the past that made me lose all respect for him.

I know that my Dad won't let him have but one chance before he would make him leave, but it angers me that they are going to have to deal with this on top of everything else. Me and my sister are hoping that his heart is in the right place and that he will help instead of hurt them-but we keep reminding ourselves of those 15+ children out there that thought the same at one point.

A busy week...

This week at work has been busier than normal. I have many reports to compile and end of last month progress sheets to input. I get to work and type away until it is time to leave!! It's not really that bad, the other day we had a press conference at the county courthouse and I was on T.V.

My dad calls afterwards and says "I just saw the second most handsome man on television!" When I ask who is the first-he says "why of course, me."

I want to thank everyone again for your nice comments regarding what is going on with my Mom. I had one of those fate moments last Saturday. I volunteered to sign up latecomers at our fund raising walk/run we had at work. The other lady that signed up for the same duty happened to be extremely nice and the doctor/patient liaison at our cancer center.

She told me to have my parents call her and she would help. My Dad called her today and she was really helpful to them-they have an appointment to see her next Monday. It turns out that my Parents doctor who told them they had to go to Houston was wrong. Everything that can be done there, can be done here as well. She also offered them many more options that they weren't told of while in Houston.

I could tell the difference in their mood since then. He was really happy that the lady made it a point to tell them that she is calling their doctor to explain to him that people don't have to spend hundreds of dollars for nothing, they can stay here. My Dad told her to hit him with both barrels!

Other than work and trying to get a few things done around the house I haven't been up to very much.

I found a nifty way to catalog all of my books-something I have been wanting to do but didn't want to manually enter all the info. With a bar code reader and software from readerware.com you just scan the ISBN number and it transfers the books information into your database. I spent about an hour last night scanning away-I got about 100 in. Their software also catalogs vhs, dvd and music cd's the same way. If you don't have a bar code reader, they send one free when you buy the software.

Tonight was Rick's fathers 70th birthday and we had a surprise party at a restaurant. It was fun. We all ate way too much, and then had some cake!

I hope everyone has a great weekend-and thanks again for all the support and kind words-it means a lot to me. I apologize for not keeping up with my journal reading lately, I'll try to catch up with everyone this weekend :) Jeff

All at once

It seems this weekend everything happened at once and overwhelmed me.

I finally got to talk to my Dad about my Mom. She decided against having the surgery after the doctor gave her all the details. I won't go in to the graphic details but he said she would never look or sound the same. It would be 2 years before she would be able to eat, swallow or live live without pain. It would be 2 years before she could even start to try to talk again.

The doctor said that without surgery she would start feeling pain in about 2 months and it wouldn't be long after that everything would start swelling and start getting unbearable.

For some reason my Dad decided this was the right time to tell me something I never knew about my Mom's Mother. I knew she had had cancer and had died from it the day after Christmas when I was so young that I only remember seeing her once. I didn't know that she had a surgery and for the next few years lived in excruciating pain and finally either accidentally or purposely overdosed on the pain medication.

I know that is going through my Mom's mind right now and my Dad thinks that is what she will end up doing. He has talked to her until he was blue in the face but cannot convince her to do the surgery. He finally told me he has resigned to the fact that she won't have it and has decided to abide by her wishes and just be there for her.

After thinking about it over the weekend I decided that is all I can do-respect her wishes and be there for her whatever happens. Saturday we got into an argument about it which left me feeling horrible for arguing with her-she started crying and we sorta made up. She thanked me for watching Corky and we said our see you laters.

I wanted to thank everyone who emailed or left good wishes by a comment. It means a lot to me.

For whatever reason Rick decided to be a terror this weekend which didn't help my frame of mind in the least. I usually try to be amicable and ignore his BS but this weekend it flew all over me and I was quick to respond in kind.

I overslept today and wasn't able to finish my computer work I do at home. It was my fault for going out last night and swilling martinis or as I call them "a snack of olives floating in vodka". I just felt like I needed to cut loose last night and forget things at least for a couple of hours.

I'm not in the mood for work this week, not because I'm not enjoying working there but because I just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head for awhile. I guess when my alarm goes off too early as usual, I will just get up and do it and pretend like I'm a responsible adult!

I hope everyone has a great Monday.

A busy-dreary-crazy-odd-weird day

Work started out busy and stayed that way until quitting time. I had so much to do that it looked like a filing cabinet exploded on my desk. When I left at five it didn't look much better. It started out nice and sunny, but by 2PM we had snow mixed with rain.

My day planner used to have maybe one entry here or there-a haircut or a birthday-now it looks like a journal. There are a ton of work related functions and meetings and trainings.

I looked up as everyone was saying it was time to go home-I thought it was around 3:30. I hope to be able to get most of it done before lunch. We are having a big fund raising event this weekend and all the last minute donations and sign ups are pouring in. I spent 3 hours counting money and logging checks! It was amazing-luckily the bank we use is in the same building-I get nervous carrying all of that around.

I went today and bought more things to make my office "my own". One lady that I have instantly bonded to keeps saying now she has to up her office to keep up-so it has kinda become a fun contest. Her and I have hit it off really well, Rick and I, her and her husband are all going out this weekend.

My parents called today and said that they are coming back on Saturday-a week early. They wouldn't explain exactly why. I'm fearing that the doctors have told them there is nothing they can do, or that my Mom decided against having the surgery after the doctors told her about the extent of what it entails.

We originally thought that the cancer had started last fall. The doctors told them on Monday that it has been at least a year and more progressed than originally thought. They said doing the surgery, if they even could, would leave her disfigured facially and with a major decrease in speech. My parents said they were waiting to hear back from them.

The lack of information I got out of them today worried me. My Mother is the type that would not want to live like that, she is stubborn and wouldn't listen if my Dad is telling her until he is blue in the face that at least you would be alive.

Today me and my sister had the first "what if" talk about how we would handle everything if the news is as bad as we think. It made it more real to both of us-but after our talk I realized how lucky to have a sister like her.

I told my boss the other day about what I thought was my Mom's upcoming surgery and she said that if I had to leave to be with them that I was not to worry, my job was secure, that family came first around here. So I am lucky to have a work environment like that.

The only concern my parents showed me today was that I bring Corky with me when I pick them up at the airport. Let's hope that Petey doesn't succeed in his attempts to deflower her by then!

A good weekend-then a Monday Happened!

I had a good weekend, the snow melted and it warmed up by Sunday and I got the bathroom painted and some more boxes unpacked and organized.

I still have to put a second coat on the bathroom, but I'm happy with the color. I'll post pictures when I get finished.

Today at work went pretty good. My boss and my supervisor both went home early and I was on my own mostly. Nothing popped up that I couldn't handle but I was very busy.

My parents left for Houston today and I am dog sitting their Chihuahua Corky. Randy leaves her alone and won't have much to do with her but Petey has decided it is his new girlfriend. He follows her everywhere and keeps trying to hump her. I'm going to have to keep them separated because I do not want puppies-my parents would kill me first of all and second of all visions of chihuahua/dachsunds sound scary. Just kidding, I'll bet they would be cute.

My parents left a note that said Dear Jeff and Rick-"Treat her like she is your daughter because that is how we feel and we would be devistated if something happened to her". Gee no pressure there.

So now I am paranoid that something is going to happen to her. So I will guard her with my life-as well as her virginity! My Dad actually said that about a week ago-that she was a virgin and he didn't want Petey or Randy to deflower her! So far she has faught off his advances with growls and nips but I'm worried that she may give in and let him have her flower :|

Time to go to bed, I'm tired, loopy, and I'm talking about Corky's flower.

I hope everyone had a great Monday.

The first full week of work

It was a good week. I feel more comfortable with work and can see once I get used to everything I will enjoy it. Right now it is feeling overwhelming, but not so much so that I can't handle it.

I have had a good weekend so far-it snowed most of the day and was cold, but still nice. I'm still waiting for spring to get here!

I got my first paycheck Friday and decided to splurge and took a good friend to an uppity martini bar and had too many dirty martinis and some cosmos. It was fun, but I paid for it this morning.

I'm still trying to get used to the hours-getting up when I'm used to going to bed, but it is getting better every day. One day last week I guess I woke up, turned the alarm off and decided I didn't want to be bothered with getting up. I didn't even remember turning the alarm off-Rick woke up at 7:30 thankfully and woke me up. I had to make a mad dash to get ready to be at work at 8.

I was a few minutes late and worried and apoligized but my boss said that she wasn't a clock watcher and didn't care as long as I did my work. The boss at my last job once got on my case about clocking it 1 minute late!

I hope everyone has a happy easter :)

A change in plans...

The lady that is training me and that I am replacing is leaving earlier than expected. So that means more intense training and longer hours until she goes.

It's only for a few day so its not that bad, but its like a crash course and it seems I forget it as soon as I learn it!! They keep piling more and more on me, but so far nothing that seems out of my range. What worries me is when she is gone and unexpected things pop up!

Today was a crash course in writing the monthly inner office newsletter and the quarterly newsletter that goes out to about 1500 people. That intimidates me just a tad, but I think I will be able to handle it once I get used to it. Thank goodness I used MS publisher in the past.

I had to learn the ins and outs of paying the bills and receipting/depositing the donations. It isn't very difficult but the amount of the checks (many are 5 and 6 figures) and being responsible for them will take some getting used to.

In my last job I had to learn to decipher wills, deeds and divorces so it won't be hard to decipher hearings and court orders, I'll just have to figure out which order they come in and what they all mean.

I finally got some nibbles on the rental unit I have available-I hope to have it rented by tomorrow.

I hope everyone had a great Monday :)

Sunday

Sunday was a good day. I got a lot of my computer work done, even catching up on stuff I had neglected. I even managed to do a few loads of laundry and unpack several more boxes of kitchen things.

It started raining this evening, it was a nice gentle rain. I'm ready for spring!

I was catching up on some newspaper reading and was surprised that we had an earthquake here. A 2.9. A few years back we had a 3.9 that did some minor damage to some houses and major damage to several hundered wells. I didn't feel either. My Dad and my sister felt the 3.9 and said it felt like a tractor trailer was lumbering by a few feet away. I remember thinking "Great, not only do we have to worry about tornadoes, now this!"

My parents leave to Houston for the surgery on the 28th. They got their appointment finally. My Dad has spent the last few days getting hotel, airfare and car reservations. It amazes me, they are getting help with discounts etc. and it is still a fortune.

My Dad had a big surprise today. He belongs to a local lodge. They helped with extra discounts on hotel and airfare as well as all the gang got together and organized a raffle benefit for my parents. It will run 2 weeks and then they will donate the money to them. He was at a loss for words. They even told him that the lodge in Houston would find someone to take them around if needed.

I'm glad that is there if they need it. My parents aren't travellers at all and they are very nervous and worried about flying and going to a big city.

I hope everyone has a great Monday.

More on the new J O B

It has been an interesting past few days with the new job. The lady that I am replacing is leaving this coming Thursday so they are trying to train me really fast. I felt overwhelmed at first but now I am feeling better about it. I have a lot of responsiblity, but I feel comfortable that I can handle it-I hope I can still say that after the lady training me (my safetye net) leaves.

Everyone up there has been great at making me feel welcome and helping me out. Everyone is laid back so much so that it seems too good to be true! It has been fun working with Rick's sister Tina. It was nice having someone there that I knew already.

Due to the nature of the work that is done there I had to be fingerprinted and sign papers to allow a criminal background check as well as a confidentiality agreement. Now I am glad I was so boring and didn't do anything weird in high school and college!

One lady up there told me that when she went through this she had a hit on her criminal check-when she was 16 she stoled some eggs for hell week while in high school and that came back!

I spent most of today working on more plumbing issues on the rentals. Luckily it was things that I knew how to take care of and didn't have to use a plumber-although I made a few mistakes and had to make 3 trips to the plumbing store I got it all taken care of.

I'm excited about next week-I get to start decorating my office and taking things up there to make it my own. I figured I would keep it minimal since we are moving to new offices on the first floor in a few months. Someone donated a large sum of money and they decided it to use it to lease a bigger space.

I did make one mistake at work on Friday. Someone was saying their computer was messing up and I told them I could fix it-it was something simple and I was able to take care of it. After that I had 4 more requests to fix things. It seems one more thing has been added to my job description!

I hope everyone is having a great weekend :)

Overwhelmed & Overdressed...

I wasn't sure of the office policy on what to wear so I dressed up in a coat and tie. When I get to work-everyone is in jeans! They joked that I was an inside plant to raise the bar on office dress! So tomorrow I will feel better dressing more casual.

On the way to work I rolled my window down and the snow on the top of the car slides right into my lap. Then walking up to the house at lunch I hit an ice spot and banged my shin on the steps, got one leg tangled up in the railing and went face first into the snow! I was more embarrassed than hurt-but at least I made the mailman's day!

Thankfully most of the work I'll be doing is entering case files into the database, receiving mail and sorting it, paying bills, and sending thank you notes to donors. There is so much of it at once that I was feeling overwhelmed today. I'm hoping that I can settle into a routine soon and feel better about it.

Everyone was really nice and helpful and that went such a long way to make me feel comfortable.

I hope everyone had a great day :) Here is to hoping I can stay dry and upright while walking tomorrow!

Getting a bit nervous...

The office called and said to come in a bit later since we had all this snow. The news said we have got about 15 inches so far, and it is still coming down out there.

Petey took off romping in it earlier but randy stood shivvering on the porch with that look of "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME??". When I had to chase down Petey to get him inside the snow drifts came up to right above my knees in the backyard-all I could see of him was rustling snow and a tail here and there.

I have everything prepared for tomorrow, now I just have to get to sleep. I'm a night owl by nature as it is and then mix in being a little nervous-I'm starting to get sleepy so I think it will be ok. I spoke with my Dad earlier and he is insisting on giving me a wake up call tomorrow!

I had to dig through all my "nice" clothes that I haven't worn in almost 3 years to find something that still fit. Luckily I didn't toss all my ties, dress shirts and sports jackets out like I had thought about.

The nervousness has come and gone today-I have to keep telling myself that I have done this type of work before, I am good at it and I CAN run an office. It just has been so long since I have done it. Before I got into real estate years ago I was shy and introverted and changed that when I had to. I have been out of situations where I had to take charge for a while now so I am hoping it will all come back to me.

I'll know by this time tomorrow!!

I Hope everyone is having a great week and not covered in snow like we are!

Good news and the blizzard!

I got the job! They called today and said I was the best applicant and want me to start tomorrow. The lady I am replacing leaves next Thursday and they want her to train me before she leaves. I want to thank everyone for the encouragement and positive thoughts :)

Hopefully I can dig out and make it in! This is what it looks like outside right now:

Spring came and went!

It is snowing! The news said we are supposed to get at least a foot tonight and into tomorrow. So much for my flowers! We had a week or two of a spring teaser and now this!

I didn't hear anything about the job today. Rick's sister works at the office I'm applying at and told me that the lady that would be checking my references and calling me went home because of a sick child. Maybe I'll hear something tomorrow. I did go ahead and send thank you notes to the three people that took time to interview me, so maybe that'll help some.

If I get this job one thing I will have to get used to again is the elevator. I have always had an aversion to them as well as heights. I'm not claustrophobic, I just don't like the idea of dangling on a cable I guess-I know that isn't the case, but that's how I feel! The office is on the 3rd floor and I would have to drive up 5 flights to park (which is an odd and new experience for me) and take the elevator back down.

We had good news with Rick's job-he got a raise and a pretty hefty bonus today. Maybe a few cents will be left after paying bills and buying the few leftover things to finish fixing the house up.

Last week I had funny feeling in the pit of my stomach for a couple of days. It would only happen at night when I was laying down to bed. I could not figure out what it was. I thought maybe it was being nervous about applying for this job, but that wasn't it. My Dad figured it out for me-I was telling him about it and he said "You are feeling homesick". He was right, I guess all the change hit me at once. Thankfully just talking about it with my Dad helped plus I am feeling more at home every day.

The interview and a snow day...

I had my interview Friday and I think it went well. I was really nervous when I got there but when I left I felt confident (not that I got the job but that I did my best in the interview).

They told me that they were making their decision Monday or Tuesday. Rick's sister works there and had went to a company birthday party on Saturday. This morning there is a message on my machine from her saying that she had good news! I'm hoping she was talking about the job! I haven't been able to get in touch with her today so I guess I'll have to wait it out.

Rick' mother's surgery went well. She is at home now and getting around pretty good although today she said she is having the worst pain so far-even large doses of pain killers aren't touching it. I think she has been overdoing it instead of resting-she seems like one of those kinds of people that want to go go go instead of resting in bed. Hopefully tomorrow the pain is a lot less.

Yesterday was a beautiful day and it got up into the 80's and tonight it is snowing! I hope all my trees and flowers will do OK-Rick took these yesterday:





I hope every had a great weekend.

list checking and mopping up...

We got a few things checked off our list today. The lawn is clean and manicured and we got the living room totally finished. We got a nice oriental rug that really made the room.

My next jobs to tackle are the closets and the rest of the kitchen. I have been getting sidetracked easier these days and usually wind up on the computer or on the couch!

My day started with a bang-or I should say drip. The water heater in the upstairs apartment that I just moved out of sprung a leak and the renter was out of town. The operative word being upstairs! The renter belows calls me at 6:30 this morning to inform me that it is raining in her laundry area. I get over there and it is one big soppy mess. It was a relatively small leak, but it must have been going to town for several hours.

I was thankful that it wasn't as bad as it could have been and that the water heater had a cut off valve!

Rick's mother is having major back surgery tomorrow so we will be up at the hospital most of Monday. Later in the evening I am going to have to wade through a stack of bills that I have let pile up like a dummy.

I hope everyone has a great Monday to start your week off :)

Working on the house..

I have been so busy working on the house that I have hardly had time for much else. It is slowly starting to feel like home-I am having a blast decorating and enjoying it.

I have been hanging pictures, putting the knickknacks out and organizing things to make it feel more like home. This week we are going to work on the yard and get it in shape.

I have an interview this tuesday for a job. I was going to wait until later on in the summer to start looking but this one fell into my lap. Rick's sister works there and an office manager position is available. She told the boss about me and they sound really interested in me applying.

I'm not quite sure I'm ready for a 9-5 right now, but for the money they are offering I will be there will bells on tuesday!

I hope everyone had a great weekend ::

Ice cream scoop & envelopes...

I had planned to take it easy yesterday playing catch up on some minor things around the house-but it didn't work out that way!

I was paying some bills online but when I got to my plumbing bill I needed an envelope. They were of course packed away! So in my search for the envelopes I ended up unpacking 6 boxes and organizing desk drawers, software and stray office flotsam.

Later on in the day I decided to have some ice cream. I couldn't find the ice cream scoop which was also packed away. I ended up unpacking 10 boxes of dishes and kitchen items in my search.

It felt nice when I finally got to my ice cream having all of that out of the way-I was able to sit down and watch a movie and do nothing.

Today I wanted to store some things in the storage shed, but it was a mess so I ended up cleaning and organizing it-which led to about 2 hours worth of work.

Besides that I did some laundry catch up, visited my parents and took it easy the rest of the evening. I hope everyone had a good Monday :)